The known unknown

Everyone has 2 selves. At least.
And not the devil and the angel in the biblical sense, and definitely not the right and the wrong. Cos they just don't exist.

Just a manifestation of oneself, one's thoughts. Of what should be, could be, as well as what it will really be .

The selves exist and the fact that they do is proof enough that it is known what will really happen.Way before hand.

Unless you are a stoic.

Or physically incapable of feeling the breeze on the nerve endings on your skin , unable to hear the music of the still water, or see the droplets in the air before it rains.

If you aren't that lucky.

Lost...and Found

When she stepped down from the plane, a familiar whiff of breeze hit her. It was like the countless times before, the cool dampness, the overcast skies, the strange smell of struggling millions around her, the romanticism hidden in that struggle.

But it wasn't like the countless times it had been before.Long long back.

And she was glad. She was glad to be going to her almost home.

She sometimes looks around and wonders, those who are hers, will always be, she can't stretch out her hand to feel them, let them in. But still be convinced they'll be there when she's all alone.

Not giving her company, just being as lonely.




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Anything for a vacation

Meditate
Swim
Music
Books
Dogs
Cycle
Run
Laugh
Walk
Shop
Cry
Smoke
Hug
Drive
Cook
Study
Write
Teach
Drink
See
Touch
Listen...

Anything but reminisce.



Peace of mind is nothing but a set of good distractions.




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Tough love

You love yourself.

You can't help it.

So what if you also can't help berating, hurting and blaming yourself.So what if you can't help fighting with yourself the most, and losing too. So what, if you are sometimes ashamed of what you are , were, have become or will probably be.
And so what if you sneer at yourself the most, enslaved by your own guilt.

Despite all that you wouldn't want it any other way. Cos secretly you are proud of what you are. It is you after all .YOU.

And if you had to live your life all over again, you'd chose the same fork in the road, go to the same places, be with the same people, listen to the same songs, you'd make the same mistakes .All over again.

You would always be the one who'd love to hate you the most and hate to love you the most.

And you just wouldn't be able to help it.



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Run.Faster.Breathe.Run

It is amazing how simplified everything gets once you have no time to breathe.
No thoughts.The lazy,chained ones.The ones that make you slip and skid on the shaking ground below.
The rush of air that fills your lungs every time you stop, breathe and run again is enough to give you all the morphine you need. Dull all senses, wishes, pains, desires and longing for hazy dimming utopia. The faster you go, the more in tandem is your rhythm with the revolving earth.

Running is the drug.

Running is the anti-id.




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Mad and Madder

Apparently there are 2 kinds of people in this world. She was about to blurt out," Us and them ?", maybe "the believers and the non believers?". She was stopped and corrected - "The Mad ones and the Madder ones".

And it made so much sense.There is no way she would accept their superiority because they were able to resist the temptation of delving deeper within themselves. While her mind knew how much effort it needed, she knew she wouldn't have it any other way.The madder ones look for connections everywhere, at least recognize one when they feel it. And connection was important to her. Even if only with herself.

You see, she needed at least one familiar face in life.

Esp the one in the mirror.




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Pride

Pride is a false, hollow thing. A helium balloon. And not as pretty. Maybe on the outside or when it is floating into the stratosphere. But not that which is held onto
out of fear of being misunderstood.

And however pretty that balloon, it'll be lonely while its floating away. None knowing whether it really wanted to be grounded in the very first place.

But soon it'll be too late, cos there's really no option when pride breaks free.





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Just another day

Sometimes you feel like writing the same thing again.
Well it is the same room, the same breeze, the same walls plastered with memories peeling off, its the same her. And while her world's turned over, nothings really changed.

They call it dejavu, an irie feeling of the world repeating itself.
She denies it being so.

The world never changed, she just moved out of it for a while.

The world must be feeling its share of dejavu .


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Not calm nor happy

She's always thought you could either be calm or happy. She's never complained about it either. She'd made her choices pretty clear.To herself. She'd always choose the calm. Always she thought. But who's ever made any rules for her and definitely not her, of all people.

She knows most think u cannot have one without the other. Maybe they are right, in their sheltered world they live together - Calm and Happy. Brothers in arms , that live or perish together.

In her small world they are archenemies.
Cos both of them come at a price. A very steep one too. And she, a mere mortal can not afford both.

Perhaps not even one.



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Monsters

Not too long back she was scared of the dark around. The pitch black and the vastness of it. Today she's scared it may not be as vast as she thought, be able to reach its edge by just stretching her hand out.

The dark is unfriendly she's known. Its still quite comforting . She's known that too. There are monsters lurking in the corner, and under her skin. Quiet, scared , intimidated for the time being. They are not really her friends but there's some comfort in having familiar enemies who's every move she knows, enemies which strike at precisely the same vein.A vein she's got covered. She's tamed the monsters, she thinks.Struck a deal with them. Its quite easy right now.

But they'll raise their ugly heads again, so she despairs. She can't let them. She repeats for the nth time. She just can't . Cos this time, no lifeboat will be able to save her. And while she loves the the cold, choppy waters, she doesn't want to drown. Not with these monsters.Not this time.



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